Bob's Lake

Leery of the quiet...

I came home yesterday after having spent the better part of the day scrapbooking at Shelly's. I didn't get that much accomplished but it was good to get out of the house. But then there is the returning home that is really hard. In the past the lights would be on, Steve would be either watching a movie, working at his computer with all the radios in the house on, or the light by the television would be on and he would be snoring away in the bedroom. None of these things will ever greet me again and it is still hard to fathom. I can't do anything to change this no matter how much I want to. So it is time for me to make some changes, I just have to figure out where to start...

He is a charmer...

Okay, if he wasn't drooling this would be a much better photo of this little flirt. It is obvious the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

Random thoughts and it wasn't about him...

Saturday was about his mommy. We had a great time at Sarah's shower and I will post a few of the pictures when I finish doctoring them up a bit. I have my computer back, thanks to Marc Davis, one of Steve's friends. We picked up Sarah's wedding dress today, as well as shoes for the party before and Julie's dress. Now I will have to check and see about something to wear for me. Though I have to say I may pull something out of my closet as my heart just isn't into buying anything new. I did it before because Steve loved me in dresses and now that he is gone it is hard for me to even think about it buying a new outfit. Oh, how I miss him. So I think of the good things in my life; my girls, their sweeties and my oh so handsome grandson...

ETA: Yes, those are sunglasses on his head. Target has everything.

Baby slept...

I babysat Cash last night. He slept the entire time I was there. Sarah, Nate and Amanda met cousin Nicole a little grownup time and drinks. They were pretty funny when they got home.
So I didn't get much sleep last night by the time I got home and unwound it was almost two when I fell asleep. Then I woke at a quarter to six and couldn't go back to sleep. So I am hoping to get caught up on my sleep tonight.

My computer is now working thanks to Marc. He cannibalized a computer that was sitting in the basement. Apparently the bearings were going out on the fan in my computer so he replaced it with one he took off another. God bless Marc, he fixed it in time for me to turn in my photos for my classes. It appears I inherited Steve's very dear friends, thank goodness...

ETA: Yea, I can now add photos to my blog again!

Bridal shower and Hot Flashes...

Yesterday the bridesmaids threw Sarah her bridal shower. Lots of fun, with a lot of ladies in attendance. Plenty of great gifts and a lot of Victoria's Secret gift cards. I also met Nate's biological mom for the first time. Plenty of the ladies oohed and awed over my very cute grandson. I can't blame them!

Today I joined several of my lady friends for lunch at the Best Little Roadhouse and then to see the musical "Hot Flashes". A lot of laughs because we could "so" relate to the topic at hand.

ETA: Babysitting Cash this evening while his parents go out for a little bit.

Another sleepless night...

Here it is 3:20AM and I can't fall back asleep. I didn't take a sleeping pill because I was falling asleep here at my computer at ten last night. So I called it a night and went to sleep. It seems whenever I do this I wake about three to get a drink of water and then I can't go back to sleep.

So what do you do when you can't go to sleep? You surf the web. And oh my goodness I visited offbeatbride.com and wow! The suit the guy was wearing in the May 21st post was giving me a migraine. I couldn't imagine being in attendance at this wedding and not wanting to lose it mentally. On the upside I totally enjoyed the video on the May 20th post. Something like this would be so fun to do.

Okay, I am going to try and go back to sleep. This is such a pain...

No computer and wonderful family...

So if anyone needs to check in with me you will have to call me. I am pretty sure my computer is down for the count. I don't want to risk my hard drive just in case this is the problem so I have it turned off. Fortunately for me I still have my laptop so I can blog and surf the net. I have an alternate email account (gmail) so if you need to send me something you can. That mail address is on my blog. Steve's friend Marc is stopping by tomorrow to check out the computer and see what he thinks. He said he may have to take it with him. I am resigned to that event should it happen.

I came home from picking up duck food and Sarah's bridal shower gift to find a full work crew in my yard. My brother-in-law Raymond, his two boys and a couple of his crew were putting down peat in my flower beds. Raymond had also planted the camellia plant that I received as a condolence to be planted in Steve's memory. Now he is talking about painting the house which he said he would co-ordinate the work with my sons-in-law.

Yes, I am blessed...

We were so blessed...

We didn't know it. Steve's, my children's, my friends and our families have come to my aid in the last few weeks. It happens when I least expect it and I am so humbled by it. I don't know what to say to you all. Thank you doesn't seem to be enough. I love you all...

What now???

I walked upstairs to find my computer making awful noises. I am afraid it is my hard drive. I turned it off and now I have to find someone local to take a look at it. The one reliable person/company I know is Dave, one of Steve's pilot friends, unfortunately he is up in Beaverton. Wouldn't you know it everything that can fall apart is doing just that now that Steve is gone...

Telemarketer hell...

In the last four days I have received calls asking to talk to Steve! I find that when I tell them that he passed away last month, there is a moment of stunned silence followed by an apology. But so far no one has volunteered to take his name off their call lists. What a big pain in the back side this is.

ETA: I just received in the mail a notice from American Express addressed to the estate of Steven Fordyce. The were notified by the Social Security Administration that he had passed away. They offer their condolences and help with handling the account. They, of course are concerned about the balance. They do offer to transfer the account to someone else who is listed on the account. Good thing or I might be tempted to close it but I like having it to use at Costco when the need arises...

Hesitant...

I am now hesitant to post anything on my blog for fear I will anger the masses. My last post made my daughters and friends a little crazy. I will have bad days and nights this I know, I just have to remember to call someone to help me through it or not post about it. And I love my girls and my friends dearly though they give me hell at times for not calling them.

I spent part of the afternoon getting some wedding things taken care of with Sarah. But I still have a bit of tummy distress that has been bothering me for a couple of days now. I definitely want to feel better because this is getting old.

Bad night

It started about nine-thirty last night and though I took a sleeping pill it didn't really work. My mind kept racing to thoughts of Steve and how lonely it is here without him. The tears started to flow and wouldn't stop. Everytime I thought I had them under control they came back full force. I miss him so much that I actually ache inside. They say with time these feelings lessen but I am not so sure I want them to. I am so afraid that I will forget how it felt to love him or be loved by him.

Wind, rain and sun...

We arrived in Lincoln City on Wednesday and it was pouring down rain! It didn't matter to us though as we weren't really there to go sightseeing. We unloaded the cars and got right to the business of having fun. Which included eating, drinking, laughing, scrapbooking and cooing over Cash. Janet was mildly successful on getting a fire started but the wind seemed to keep putting out the flames. Our guess was that the wood was too green. We brought movies to watch and books to read in case we had creative blocks.

We woke Thursday to some fog and clouds but it cleared up by the afternoon. I spent the day working on cards for my card class on June 1st. Sarah and Janet took Cash on to the beach to put his toes in the sand. Janet got some great pictures of him and Sarah. We missed watching the season finale of Greys Anatomy because we were watching "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". That was a real snooze fest. Sorry but Brad Pitt doesn't always pick the best screen plays.

Friday we woke to another beautiful day. In fact it wouldn't have taken much to convince me to stay another day but I had a card class to teach at one and we had to be out of the condo by eleven. It is amazing that we can pack so much better on our return trips than our destination ones. Cash did really well considering it wasn't his regular bed. He had three grandmas to choose from when he whined for attention and of course we didn't fail him. I had a great time, like I always do when I spend time with my dear friends.

Going to the coast...

Sarah, Cash and I are getting away. Going with a couple of friends and I don't have to drive. Wow, this has been happening to me more and more. My friends are spoiling me and I love them for it. Will get pictures and post when I get back...

Happy Mother's Day!!

It was very subdued here most of the day. I went to my mother-in-law Norma's and spent an hour or so with her, talking about Steve and our family. It was quite helpful since I was feeling pretty blue. This evening the kids took us to dinner at my favorite restaurant. Chicken Caesar Salad, yummy!! Rob, you never fail us. This was Norma's first visit to the new location, and she really liked it. We had a great time and little Cash was the entertainment committee...

Some of the things I miss;

1) the sound of his voice
2) his smiling face
3) the sound of his laughter
4) the feel of his beard
5) the smell of his hair after a shower
6) the feel of his hugs
7) the touch and taste of his lips
8) waving goodbye to him as he left for work
9) getting hugs and kisses when he came home from work
10) having breakfast with him
11) talking to him about our day
12) the feel of his skin
13) enjoying our girls and their families together
14) his emails
15) his calls during the day

This list could go on and on...

There are no words...

To describe how much I miss this man.

A couple of days

I spent three days with some of my girlfriends at a scrapbooking getaway. It was tons of fun, prizes and giveaways. Everyone of the participants got this great gift bag filled with all kind of paper and embellishments. I won a cute tote bag from Creative Options that fits my Tonic trimmer and lots of 12X12 paper. It was good to have a change of scenery but I had to come home. It is awfully quiet here these days and can be very lonesome at times. I really miss Steve and this crappy dreary weather intensifies the feelings. I need to go do some housework so I can stop these depressing feelings.

ETA: I needed to add a super cute picture of Cash to help give my spirits a lift...