Missing him...

Whoever said that with time the pain will lesson apparently never experienced the loss of a mate or child. Though miscarriages are a difficult loss, they don't quite follow the same scenario. Since I know this first hand I can say that particular pain did lessen but I also had given birth to two babies already and I had never had the chance to hold that baby in my arms. Steve and I were together for almost twenty-five years and yet it didn't seem like it at times. I won't say that our marriage was perfect because we all know that marriage takes a lot of work and its constantly changing and challenging, we still had a good one. Soon we will be approaching one of the last "firsts", the first anniversary of his accident. The pain and loneliness is still a constant. I will never stop missing him...

His playmate...grandpa???

I discovered yesterday that Cash has a playmate. Not one we can see but one he definitely acknowledges. My grandmother used to say it was the guardian angels of the babies that watched over and played with them. Being a bit skeptical I just nodded my head when she told this to me. But I witnessed it first hand while playing catch with Cash yesterday. In the midst of chasing after the ball he turned around and looked up and past me. He did a little of his baby talk and then proceeded to throw the ball. I caught it and then threw it back though this time he picked up the ball looked to the right of where I was, and repeated his previous chatting then threw the ball in the direction he was looking. He then proceeded to chase down the ball, and the whole time he was giggling and laughing. He repeated this several times but at no time was he ever facing me. This can be explained away by many but I believe he was playing catch with his grandpa...

He wasn't perfect...

But he was as close as you could get. He loved his family fiercely. He would drop what he was doing in a heartbeat to run to the aid of his mother, brothers, daughters or friends. He was also a big procrastinator when it came to things here in the house. The property got improvements like a fenced in pasture, a pig pen, and plumbing to the various places in the yard that needed it. But the new door to my attic, the window fix on the dormer window or fixing the plumbing stuff in the bathroom still are waiting for him. Now my dear brother-in-law Mike has offered to take care of this stuff. How many ways can you say thank you to a family as wonderful as the one I married into...

Baby, Baby Einstein to Boy!

The first photo I took was at the end of August last year. The "Einstein" look was just after the new year and the last photo was taken the week we went to the coast. Cash has grown so fast and now with the new hair cut he doesn't look like a baby anymore...

Annual Fordyce family coast trip

I just got back from our annual trip to the coast with the family. It was one of another "firsts" as it was without my beloved Steve. The first night was the hardest for me and my brother-in-law Craig. Not hearing Steve's voice or his laughter was very upsetting to say the least but as the weekend wore on it got easier. It still is hard for me to believe that eleven months have passed since his accident.

The photo I have posted it here is one I took from a previous anniversary trip Steve and I made to Pacific City. We stayed at the Inn at Cape Kiwanda and this was taken off the balcony, Haystack Rock is to the right. I had to include a picture because I still haven't edited the pictures I took so it will be a bit before I post them. But be warned I only took a few and they were mostly of my 'very' cute grandson and his cousins...