Were the words Steve and I said to each other twenty-four years ago today. So why does it seem like it was yesterday? Missing him something fierce as always but especially today. I keep thinking of all the things we had planned on doing with our children now that they have families of their own. Camping was high on the list. We even bought a 27-foot travel trailer that sleeps seven with the hopes of spending lots of family time together. Now I have a trailer that I can't use and because the estate is just now in the final stages of becoming final it looks to sit for another year. Because who buys camping trailers at this time of the year?
Is a mini dachshund. She is hyper (is that normal?), wants to love on everyone that comes into my house or is in close proximity to her, and is chewing on everything in sight. Bought the 'bitter apple' product and that seems to be working. But I would have to douse Cash in the stuff to stop her from nipping him. It annoys him to the point that he takes swings at her with his hand mostly. But I worry that he will one day hit her with some larger and likely to hurt. Today, I finally separated them by putting her in the kennel most of the day. She whined, he whined and I got an enormous headache. What in the world was I thinking when I agreed to bring her home with me. She is lovable, has a sweet disposition and is good company but has her downsides. Still misses the puppy pad when she 'poos' and though I have gotten bigger pads she still does it. I believe it is due to her length and the fact that she can't judge how far back her legs are in relation to the front ones. I also now have to get a sitter when I am away from the house any length of time. This is just like having a child. Her name is Princess.
In the weather is happening. The hot weather trend or heat wave is over. It actually started cooling down sooner than they had predicted. The worry of course is thunderstorms in the mountains that can cause fires. Everything is so dry right now that it wouldn't take much to start a major one. I do have to say that I am enjoying the 'calm' before the storm. The wind has literally stopped and the sky has taken on that look it gets before a summer rain. I love the smell of the air after a summer rain.
I haven't been to visit Steve since last Sunday. I am tied up with making some patterns and then the heat has made me not want to leave the house. I have Cash today and tomorrow so I will have to wait till Wednesday since by then the heat wave will have subsided and I can take some flowers too.
It is the word Sarah used in her blog today to describe how she felt. I hadn't really used a good descriptive word to say how I feel about my current state of mind. She found it. I do 'long' to have more time with Steve. I feel it so deeply at times that it hurts to even breathe. I am just two weeks away from spending a second wedding anniversary without him. Unless you have experienced the loss of a spouse there is no way you can understand how this feels. The ache seeps into your very being and at times it is such a struggle to get on with the day.
So I force myself to remember what blessings I do have and it helps. The dear Lord knows that I didn't always make the wisest choices in life. So when I decided to start making them, he put Steve in my path. I resisted, I had been married before and it didn't end well. But Steve persisted and only God knows why. Steve gave me a wonderful married life for twenty-two years which he filled with love and laughter. I am so grateful to have my daughters and their families. To have Steve's family who are without a doubt simply the best.
So to my family and friends I say this; "Be grateful, thankful and forgiving because you never know what the future holds.
