Visiting him...

I couldn't do it on Valentine's Day so I went to visit Steve today. I have discovered two things. One, I can't do it without breaking down and two, I do need the anti-depressants. I thought I would be able to work this through without them but it has become blatantly obvious that I can't. It is very hard to lose a child due to a miscarriage this I know because I have experienced it but I have no idea how it is to lose one you have had with and near you for many years. So my heart aches for my dear mother-in-law. We do share a grief that we both have experienced and that is losing our husbands. Missing our 'life' partners is an ache I cannot even describe. It isn't just the quietness of your home, or having no one to snuggle with on cold nights. It is also having no one to have your meals with, to tell about your day or share all the fun stuff you did with your grandchild. We planned to spend a lot of time camping with the kids and their families. Now I have a travel trailer and no desire to even get near it. I hear with time people cope better but it is just a few weeks away from being a year and it hurts just as much as it did the day it happened.