I had a bit of hint that my day might not turn out so good. I watched Cash during the lunch hour today while Sarah worked at the Noodle. He is such a joy and certain facial expressions he has bring memories of his grandpa soaring into full view. I had to choke back the tears a couple of times. Even his hair color reminds me of Steven's. When I got home and settled in it didn't take too long for it to hit me full force. The ache can be so intense at times that even I am unprepared for how much. Is crying supposed to make you feel a certain release or relief? Well if it is, it ain't happening for me. I have spent the better part of the last five hours crying off and on. The ache is just as intense as it was the day Steve died and sometimes the loneliness is absolutely unbearable. I miss him so much that just being in the house makes me want to cry out in pain. All of his belongings just seem to haunt me at times and at others they give me comfort. I don't know what steps to take next, but totally understand why they say to not make any big decisions in your life for the first year...
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